The Most Insightful Way to Handle A Difficult Person, Team Member or Employee

CD-DifficultIf you are struggling with a difficult team member or employee, take heart you are not alone in this challenge.  This is simply part of the process of building a successful business and team.

When it comes to inspiring a team to achieve outrageous results, out-of-the-box thinking and to double their sales and performance (or even having peaceful interactions with your spouse, children, family members or friends), I invite you to take on the mindset that “it begins with me.”

I have come to realize that every situation is an opportunity to be willing to operate from the point of view that I am the author and creator of my experiences and interactions with others.

The way that I interact with others is through my beliefs and interpretations.  I create my reality through what I tell myself “is the truth” about everyone I interact with.

For example, if I have a manager, assistant or employee that I believe is a difficult person or poor performer, my interactions with them will be impacted by my belief (and insistence) that “he is a poor performer.”  I will treat him like the poor performer that I perceive him to be.

I will probably even micromanage him.  And the undertone of my interactions with him will be negative and tense – even if outwardly I appear calm and friendly.

How to Create A Breakthrough

footprints-in-sand-mal-brayI’ve come to realize that the opportunity for me is to be willing to shift my perspective from one of “This team member or person is _____________“ …

I then fill in the blank with whatever belief I am holding, to being willing to “get off” my judgments.

I can do this by asking myself, “How am I actually the source, or cause of what is and happening in my interaction with this difficult person right now?” and to be willing to listen for the insights that follow.

One time my husband and I got into an argument when he told me that he didn’t want to help with a particular household task.  I felt myself quickly getting angry and frustrated.

I pulled away from our interaction to take a few moments to reflect and then I asked myself this question, “How might I actually be the source or cause of this argument right now?” I quickly realized that I had not been giving my husband the freedom and dignity to say “no” to my request.

I was trying to force and control him by my insistence that he should say, “Yes” instead of honoring his clear “No.”  I felt an immediate sense of relief around my situation and I was able to peacefully accept his response to my request.

Be willing to ask yourself this question right now with a difficult employee, manager, assistant or person in your life and see what kind of insights YOU gain!

“I think of difficult people as my teacher instead of my enemy” 

                         – author unknown

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